There is no Planet B

A poll, kicking a mussel shell, tu and vous, fear vs intuition, 2312, favorite books, some things I learned, some things I'm leaving, some things I'm aiming for...and thanks.

Friends and strangers, supporters and voyeurs — thank you all for being here and for being part of this journey. I launched my Substack in July of 2022, and you are now part of a community of nearly 700 subscribers, readers, fans, supporters, and fellow travelers.

My intention for 2023 on Substack is

1. finish the manuscript for my book-length memoir. I will be posting updates and draft chapters as I go along.

2. continue writing and posting other pieces of writing.

3. continue the BROTHERS AND TEACHERS podcast on a bi-weekly basis. I have Kim Stanley Robinson and Ashanti Branch on the calendar for January, with a few more in the queue.

Who would you like to hear on the podcast?

What else would be most interesting and useful to you as a subscriber?

I’d like to do host a subscriber chat soon—so here’s a poll—what subject would be most interesting for a subscriber chat?

THERE IS NO PLANET B

A YouTuber friend of a friend came by the other day and we ended up with a fun little video. It’s incredible—writers get tens of views, and he gets hundreds of thousands. Even though I do use the socials to post my own work, of course, obviously, social media is a mostly a burn. I refer you to Jaron Lanier’s timeless book, Ten Arguments For Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now. The most common question, aside from where to get the Sasha Grey t-shirt that I was wearing in the video (she’s my hero, and that would be here → https://shop.sashagrey.com/collections/all) and “where does the poop go?” (answer: the houseboats are plumbed into the city sewage line) was a variation on “did he just kick a can/trash into the water? 😓🤦🏼‍♀️” which several people posted after seeing me kick something into the water off the dock. Some of these comments got tons of likes and spawned further chains of other people chiming in saying “what a jerk” I must be, etc. One commenter even got upset after some others called her Karen, saying that she was “just asking.”

People, people.

Do you really think I would kick trash into the water anywhere, let alone in my own backyard, and on video to boot? I’m happy to have a conversation with folks about whatever, and I will also say that I’m feeling a little vulnerable having shown off my place for the world to see, but no, my dear, you weren’t “just asking.” A question that contains an assumption like this is (am I right?) an example of epiplexis—”A rhetorical device where [a sequence of] rhetorical questions is used to criticise or blame, or more generally, to elicit an emotional response.”—and also, just plain idiocy.

It’s also a neat little example of shadow projection. My take is that someone who carelessly asks this kind of question is someone who might themselves kick trash into the water, and is projecting that familiarity with trash (at least figuratively) into the world around them. Just because they have trash on the brain doesn’t mean it has anything to do with me. And, or, you could imagine that the trash that she imagined me kicking was the trash that she wished someone would ‘kick’ out of her own head.

What I kicked was an empty mussel shell dropped on the dock by a seagull. Peace!

2312

I’ve been reading a lot, as always. I wrangled an interview with Kim Stanley Robinson and I chose to read his book 2312 in preparation for our talk because it deals so much with gender and sexuality. I love how he extrapolates the current trans/gender explosion three hundred years into the future and aligns it with the universal theme of the hunt for immortality with the very clever addition of the (so far, entirely fictional) idea that “prenatally selected bisexuality has the strongest positive correlation with longevity.” In his 2312, many people live lives long enough to experiment with all sorts of genders and identities, and that longevity is in part enabled by in-utero interventions that result in lifelong “gender ambivalence” and the ability to embody a variety of sexual and gender expressions at different points in life. This really is a lovely bit of creative genius, and it’s fascinating to watch him work with these real-world themes in the context of the fairly-near future.

Another great bit on the future of gender is, “…the pronouns ‘he’ and ‘she’ are often avoided, or when used are a matter of self-designation, sometimes changing according to situation. Referring to someone else with such pronouns is the equivalent of using ‘tu’ rather than ‘vous’ in French, indicating familiarity with the person.” This was pretty much already how I felt about it—basically, why would I presume to know what’s in anyone’s pants, and why would they want me to know, only having just met me?

I get that using one’s preferred pronoun is a form of coming out, and can be an important speech act that both solidifies one’s own identity and asserts the wider existence of that identity in the world, but I can’t help but feel that expecting or demanding that others ask which pronoun we want to be referred to by will fall by the wayside before long. Language tends to wear away clumsy formations like rocks in a stream—and, as KSR’s alternative future points out, this particular formation forces both the interlocutor and the subject into an uneasy, unlikely and premature familiarity. I know, putting it in your face is kind of the point at the moment, and that might be appropriate for a historical instant—but I don’t think it’ll last.

What do you think about ‘tu’ and ‘vous’?

What would you ask Kim Stanley Robinson in an interview?

Favorite Books of 2022

Aside from 2312, here are a some great reads from this past year.

Rebecca Solnit—Recollections of My Nonexistence (memoir)

Leslie Jamison—The Recovering: Intoxication and Its Aftermath (memoir)

Dorothy Carrington—Granite Island (about Corsica)

Tabitha Lasley—Sea State: A Memoir

Melissa Febos—Body Work (memoir and craft)

Carl Erik Fisher—The Urge: Our History of Addiction

Brian Broome—Punch Me Up To The Gods (memoir)

Grayson Perry—The Descent of Man (about masculinity)

Kim Stanley Robinson—The High Sierra: A Love Story (~memoir)

Maia Szalavitz—Unbroken Brain (about addiction as a learning disorder)

Fear vs Intuition

I’ve written a lot about intuition, and about fear, and so it’s no surprise that several people have asked me how to tell if a feeling of 'I shouldn't do this' is a valid intuitive message to avoid something that won’t go well, or just fear of the unknown.

I think the first thing to say is that there’s no single simple answer. Intuition is a function of the unconscious and therefore works indirectly. It often has a hard time speaking to us directly. However, because your subconscious is of course after all part of yourself, you can often interact with what seems like an intuitive message. I have found it helpful to talk with the intuitive voice or personify the ‘character’ that is trying to communicate. Thank it for speaking up, and ask it to say more about what it wants to get across. If it responds, I’d say it’s more likely that it’s intuition. If it just sort of clams up, that feels more like misplaced fear.

This relates to Socrates’ idea that intuition is a protective daimon that is aiming to protect us from real things that, in some way, we already know will bring us harm. Because there is so little real and present danger in the world these days, fear, on the other hand, is almost always actually just anxiety about going into the unknown—that is, fear of a hypothetical future that does not exist in the present. Fear of the unknown is natural, and is also naturally dispelled by moving towards that unknown.

So, there’s another method—if you move towards what you are feeling afraid of, does it feel better, or worse? Is it something that you really want to do, and that you’re just unfamiliar with, or something that you aren’t really sure is a good idea at all?

Now that we’re in the realm of physical feelings, how does the feeling feel in your body? Is what feels like fear showing up in you chest, your legs, your belly, or some other place? Sitting quietly enough to get that answer, and then feeling into that part of the body is often enough to clarify the message or the feeling further.

Anxiety about the unknown is, in general, trying to keep us from doing things that upset the status quo (which is a false sense of security), whereas intuition is trying to warn us of actual, subtle threats.

Perhaps the best thing to do first of all if you feel a hesitation and it’s unclear what it means is to slow down, honor, and interrogate the feeling.

What I learned

The single most important thing I learned in 2022 is that when preparing garlic, cut the hardened root end off before you smash the clove with the side of your knife. I’ve been doing it the other way around for all my life, and given how much garlic I eat, this little change is a delightful improvement.

I also learned that I love walking more than ever. Along with whatever local walking and running I did, this year I walked 90 miles across Corsica west to east on the Mare a Mare Nord, and then another 110+ miles north to south on the legendary GR20. I wrote up an intro and the first day of the GR20, and produced a podcast called THE GOAT WORK that details the whole trip. I still love a lot of other outdoor sports, especially trail running and wind sports like kite- and wing-foiling, but walking gives the most for the least—no gear, no prep, no impact—and walking is being in and moving through a place at the pace of human consciousness. It’s the speed that we’re built most for, for the long haul. I intend to do a few weeks of long-distance walking each year now, and I’m also going to revive my pattern of local long walks here in and around San Francisco. It’s really quite powerful to see how possible it is to connect places right around here that we’re used to thinking of as distant.

What I’m leaving behind

Advertising — I don’t blame companies for trying to remind me… but I don’t need to be reminded to buy things. I trust myself to remember to buy socks and MUDWTR when need more, and I still end up wasting time clicking on ‘limited-time offer’ links, shopping around, and then closing the browser twenty minutes later. I don’t have time to waste.

Shopping — I was reminded over the holidays that shopping sort of makes me physically ill these days. I love giving (and receiving) a thoughtful gift, I and used to love “shopping,” but now, no, not so much. I’m feeling that a gift should be spontaneous, and I often remind myself that if I find myself ‘wanting’ something, either just put it back, or give it to someone else.

Scrolling — fuuuuuuuck social media, so much! I love seeing what so many brilliant people are doing in the world, but, just like with shopping, I find myself feeling ill if I spend more than a minute on Insta. I’ve turned them off in the past, and I probably need to turn them off again. It’s just too easy to open and start scrolling and then wake up ten minutes later trying to remember why I opened the app in the first place. So addictive. So distracting.

Love as a closure — I am so done with the Relationship Escalator, and with the closure that I’ve just about always felt when a new relationship becomes sexual. It’s nobody’s fault in particular, but those scripts, along with the story that I’m somehow a bad guy both for wanting to have sex (with women) and also the beneficiary of a privilege that makes me the recipient of congratulations for doing are just soooooo fucked up and obsolete. I’m grateful to the ongoing and very present revolution in gender and sexuality and I am aiming to be part of it, in my own way. I know there’s a lot more for me to learn here, and to write about—which is part of the reason that the draft of my first chapter brings sex in from the start.

What I’m aiming for

Writing — As I mentioned, I’m writing a memoir, and it’s going to be a good one. I’ve been working for the last three-plus years to turn myself into a writer, and now I’m ready. To support me in the process I have a bi-weekly writing group that I formed more than a year ago, and I’ve also joined Marion Roach Smith’s memoir master class. My goal is to have a complete manuscript by end of June, 2023.

Fitness — I’ve found that feeling healthy and fit is critically important to my creative self. I can’t be at my best mentally, spiritually, or creatively if my body isn’t also working well. I’m still fairly fit these days, down from my ten-to-twelve mile trail runs to more like seven at the moment—but self-care in the form of regular strength and flexibility exercise has always been something that I’ve said “I can’t” to myself about. Well, I know now that I’ve said “I can” at this point about a thousand other things, and so there isn’t any reason that I can’t spend thirty minutes a day on body maintenance. Guys like Bill Maeda, Dan Altman, Cameron Shayne, and my trainer Peter Bartesch all inspire me, just to name a few. I’m trying to change my tune about discipline.

Meditation — Many of the creators that I respect the most are consistent meditators. I can often tell if a musician, actor, or writer is a meditator just from the sound of their voice or from their work on the page. I’ve been an inconsistent meditator for a long time. To support my writing, I’m going to commit to daily minimum of ten minutes of meditation, every day, before breakfast and before computer work. The method that I use is primarily what’s taught by my friend James Brown at Vedic Path Meditation.

…and so much more, but it’s time to wrap this up!

---

Thanks for being here and for being part of this journey.

You can support me in my work by participating here on my Substack. If you choose to become a paid subscriber, so much the better, but either way, your presence, reading, feedback, and participation by way of questions and discussion is a huge part of what motivates me.

If you want to support me going into 2023, you can still take advantage of the 33% discount on an annual subscription — just use this link (valid through Jan 13) https://decidenothing.substack.com/malanka 🇺🇦

Who would you like to hear on my podcast?

What subject would be most interesting for a subscriber chat?

What else would be most interesting and useful to you as a subscriber?

What do you think about ‘tu’ and ‘vous’ as a model for gender pronoun usage?

What would you ask Kim Stanley Robinson in an interview?

Please hit the like button below ⬇️ and welcome to 2023!