Bowen, there is a lot in this chapter that resonates with me. I'm about to turn 48 in September, and I gave up alcohol a little over a month ago. Even in moderate amounts, it seemed to interfere with my sleep. And I became increasingly aware that reaching for a drink or two at happy hour was a crutch of sorts, even if it never led to excess. I much prefer the feeling that I'm only putting good things into my body and purging the bad, usually on the bike, in my running shoes, or in the gym.
But your post also goes to the larger existential stressors that life in America brings. And the particular struggle you faced in contemplating fatherhood is one of those. I don't think men are terrified of fatherhood because they can't imagine themselves as caregivers. It's that they can't see a place for themselves in the working world that harmonizes with a caregiving role. It feels like a zero sum proposition: be an alpha at work and depend on a spouse for caregiving or give up ambition and embrace a traditionally feminine role. Women feel this pressure, too. Everyone feels like they can't be good at their job and good at parenting. This causes an incredible amount of stress. It's also linked to American rootlessness. In cultures where caregiving is shared among an extended family, rather than being the relentless obligation of one or two parents, the stakes for starting a family feel different.
Yeah depression is definitely not something that just randomly happens in the brain, most often theres something in life that brings it on. Of course the chemicals and their interactions matter, but I wish our mental health world were more attuned to the social and material environments our brains are living in.
"I’d been in therapy for years working to resolve the depression...I was frustrated that I’d ended up feeling depressed again,"
Have you ever heard that CBT is "killing thoughts"...CBT is "killing negative thoughts" that cause depression and CBT is "killing" tempting thoughts that cause habits and addictions?
I want you to coach me to follow the CBT science workbook in the "killing" of tempting thoughts
Bowen, there is a lot in this chapter that resonates with me. I'm about to turn 48 in September, and I gave up alcohol a little over a month ago. Even in moderate amounts, it seemed to interfere with my sleep. And I became increasingly aware that reaching for a drink or two at happy hour was a crutch of sorts, even if it never led to excess. I much prefer the feeling that I'm only putting good things into my body and purging the bad, usually on the bike, in my running shoes, or in the gym.
But your post also goes to the larger existential stressors that life in America brings. And the particular struggle you faced in contemplating fatherhood is one of those. I don't think men are terrified of fatherhood because they can't imagine themselves as caregivers. It's that they can't see a place for themselves in the working world that harmonizes with a caregiving role. It feels like a zero sum proposition: be an alpha at work and depend on a spouse for caregiving or give up ambition and embrace a traditionally feminine role. Women feel this pressure, too. Everyone feels like they can't be good at their job and good at parenting. This causes an incredible amount of stress. It's also linked to American rootlessness. In cultures where caregiving is shared among an extended family, rather than being the relentless obligation of one or two parents, the stakes for starting a family feel different.
Yeah depression is definitely not something that just randomly happens in the brain, most often theres something in life that brings it on. Of course the chemicals and their interactions matter, but I wish our mental health world were more attuned to the social and material environments our brains are living in.
"I’d been in therapy for years working to resolve the depression...I was frustrated that I’d ended up feeling depressed again,"
Have you ever heard that CBT is "killing thoughts"...CBT is "killing negative thoughts" that cause depression and CBT is "killing" tempting thoughts that cause habits and addictions?
I want you to coach me to follow the CBT science workbook in the "killing" of tempting thoughts
see p 12,13
https://feelinggood.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/habits-and-addictions-only-v-1.pdf
"As with so many others who have chosen to not to have children"
2 2s 0 1?