The illusion of linear time, recognizing discipline in hindsight, transcending alcohol, running, fatherhood, freedom as levity, love—and how to get the you out of your life.
Part 1: I am the father of two daughters and grandfather to two boys, three years and one month. I became a father at 34 after after 13 years of dating and cohabiting. I never once in the first ten years of that relationship expressed any desire to have children, quite the opposite, I was adamant it was not for me. Then came the ultimatum, have children or part ways. The reasons I acquiesced are complicated but weighted heavy on my insecurities. Another component of that ultimatum was marriage, another institution I did not believe in. Once the decision was made I began to relish the prospects and the birth of our first child was an amazing experience. Two children was the plan and that happened a couple years later, another amazing experience. Then I fell into a twenty year male postpartum depression, not every day all the time but enough to drain my energy and make bad life choices. Looking back I can honestly say I was able to man up and be a good father and husband. Having children has made me a better person or maybe it’s just time, something impossible to know for sure.
Part 2: I have only told one man that I loved him and added brother and unconditionally to dampen the possible awkwardness. I do love a couple of male friends and have mentioned that to others but not directly. I loved my father and oldest brother and have severed ties with my other brother until he admits what an asshole he has been.
Part 1: I am the father of two daughters and grandfather to two boys, three years and one month. I became a father at 34 after after 13 years of dating and cohabiting. I never once in the first ten years of that relationship expressed any desire to have children, quite the opposite, I was adamant it was not for me. Then came the ultimatum, have children or part ways. The reasons I acquiesced are complicated but weighted heavy on my insecurities. Another component of that ultimatum was marriage, another institution I did not believe in. Once the decision was made I began to relish the prospects and the birth of our first child was an amazing experience. Two children was the plan and that happened a couple years later, another amazing experience. Then I fell into a twenty year male postpartum depression, not every day all the time but enough to drain my energy and make bad life choices. Looking back I can honestly say I was able to man up and be a good father and husband. Having children has made me a better person or maybe it’s just time, something impossible to know for sure.
Part 2: I have only told one man that I loved him and added brother and unconditionally to dampen the possible awkwardness. I do love a couple of male friends and have mentioned that to others but not directly. I loved my father and oldest brother and have severed ties with my other brother until he admits what an asshole he has been.