Fifty definitive memoirs

Nothing inspires more than the truth of another person's experience, transmitted directly.

Be sure to check out An Ordinary Disaster, my own book-length memoir that I’ve serialized here on Substack as a work in process.

I’m glad you’re here! And—this is a reader-supported publication. If you appreciate my work, please consider becoming a paying subscriber. As a full-time working writer, I appreciate every reader and everyone who chooses to support my writing.

I grew up reading Tintin, Slocum, sci-fi, Swallows & Amazons—and Hustler magazine. In my twenties and thirties I read novels, and then a lot of philosophy in my forties, books that became favorites like Why Buddhism is True, Straw Dogs, Antifragile and Against Love.

Now in my fifties as a writer of memoir, I read mostly in that genre. I love the truth of deep personal story, especially writing by men, by musicians and people in the music business, writing that includes place as a character, adventure, physicality, an erotic edge, psychology, recovery stories, and, most of all, great writing.

I hope you find some new inspiration here!

Fifty Definitive Memoirs

This list is also available on my Bookshop page.

Reckless: My Life as a Pretender, Chrissie Hynde — I love how you can hear her voice and her lyrics for the Pretenders in her writing.

Acid for the Children: A Memoir, Flea — I love Flea’s spare, direct and honest writing, and how so much of his experience overlaps with my own.

The Long Way, Bernard Moitessier — there are lots of books about sailing around the world, even sailing alone around the world, but Moitessier kept going after going around once, and invented modern ocean sailing along the way.

What I Talk About When I Talk About Running, Haruki Murakami — really, really good, and he’s so much better at explaining the connection between running and writing than I am.

The Happiest Man Alive: A Biography of Henry Miller, Mary V. Dearborn — OK it’s not a memoir, but… this is a truly outstanding biography of a writer that has been a major inspiration to me.

Where the Body Meets Memory, David Mura — it’s rare for men to write honestly about their sexuality, and Mura does it well.

Brother One Cell: An American Coming of Age in South Korea's Prisons, Cullen Thomas — a beautifully written and compelling memoir by one of my favorite writing teachers.

Restaurant Man, Joe Bastianich — I also love restaurant stories, and this is a fun and very informative ride that tells you everything you need to know about how to run a restaurant (and of course, the first thing is: don’t).

Punch Me Up to the Gods, Brian Broome — great writing, and a great example of someone able to convey his childhood experience in the voice of the child

I Wrote This Book Because I Love You,

Tim Kreider

— When I thought of writing a book of love letters to ex girlfriends, I searched to see if someone already had, and, well, there was Tim. Super honest, sweet, and very funny. Tim is sort of the John McPhee of relationship writing.

Where I Was From, Joan Didion — sets the standard for memoir and writing about place. A classic of California prose, self-reflection, family history, and sharp wit.

Another Bullshit Night in Suck City, Nick Flynn — a modern classic, and one of the best titles out there.

Just Kids,

Patti Smith

— I cried a lot reading Just Kids. A beautiful coming-of-age and becoming-an-artist story.

The Rainman's Third Cure: An Irregular Education, Peter Coyote — music, movies, sex — and great writing.

Running Man, Charlie Engle — recovery story writ large as Charlie runs across the entire Sahara Desert (!!!) — and here’s an interview that I did with Charlie recently

Confess: The Autobiography, Rob Halford, who holds a special place in my heart as a native San Franciscan, for being a rock ‘n roll star who was a closeted hard-core leatherman homo for decades, unbeknownst to most of his fans—except those of us who grew up in San Francisco! There is a very very sweet story in his book about how he met his lifelong partner as one of their shows, because someone was savvy enough to decipher his barely-coded gay-rodeo lyrics. Well-written and very funny, to boot!

Memories, Dreams, Reflections, C.G. Jung — much of this is not a dense as you might expect, and really, a beautiful look into one of the 20th century’s greatest minds. A life lived, guided by his dreams. Incredible! I’d avoided going straight to the source with Jung for a long time, having incorrectly assumed that the writing would be dense and unapproachable. To the contrary—at least in this work, and in Man and His Symbols, Jung’s classic introduction to Jungian psychology, his intention was to reach the lay reader, and so if you’re curious about Jung, don’t hesitate! For an even more approachable intro to Jung, I highly recommend Practical Jung by Harry A. Wilmer.

The Tender Bar: A Memoir, J.R. Moehringer — at the core of “memoir” as a genre.

Ham on Rye, Charles Bukowski — learning to drink, smoke and fuck at twelve

The Creative Act: A Way of Being, Rick Rubin — some of the best writing I’ve come across not just about the creative process, but about creativity as a way of being. Of course, he says that in the title. It doesn’t really matter whether you know who Rick Rubin is as a legendary music producer—his words ring true, and his voice is otherworldly soothing and wise. This is one of the people that I always mention as an example of someone who you can tell has done a ton of meditation just by the sound of their speaking voice.

Drinking: A Love Story, Caroline Knapp — the defining example of recovery memoir.

An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness, Kay Redfield Jamison — a beautifully written personal account of her own manic-depression, recovering from mental illness, and finding love by a highly intelligent, deeply feeling woman who also happens to be a professor of psychiatry and “one of the foremost authorities on manic-depressive illness.”

This Boy's Life, Tobias Wolff — another genre-defining memoir. Outstanding writing.

On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft, Stephen King — King as a writer, and it’s a great read.

The Hard Crowd: Essays 2000-2020,

Rachel Kushner

— although not quite a native, a fellow San Franciscan by upbringing, and by way of her outstanding work.

Heavy, Kiese Laymon — loved it for the language, and for the truth.

Self-Made Man: One Woman's Journey Into Manhood and Back Again, Norah Vincent — a fascinating report from a year spent passing as a man.

The Night of the Gun, David Carr — he goes on a bit, but you can’t beat the story, and his unique method of approaching his own life as an investigative reporter.

The High Sierra: A Love Story, Kim Stanley Robinson — an ode to ‘the best mountains in the world for backpacking’ from a legend of science fiction, Californian to the core, utopian futurist, and environmental visionary. I interviewed Stan for my podcast recently.

West with the Night, Beryl Markham — lyrical, historic account of life in early twentieth-century Africa.

To Reach the Clouds: My High Wire Walk Between the Twin Towers, Philippe Petit — beats Alex Honnold’s free-solo of El Capitan as the greatest ever feat of creative physicality, in part because Petit foresaw that the Towers could not stand forever.

Everest: The West Ridge, Thomas F. Hornbein — a defining example of mountaineering literature, and a riveting account of pioneering a new route on Everest—the hard way.

Educated, Tara Westover — incredible story of growing up and escaping from an ultra-repressive family and educating herself into adulthood.

Small Fry: A Memoir, Lisa Brennan-Jobs — I loved her writing, and, of course, she happens to be Steve Jobs’ daughter.

Stop-Time, Frank Conroy — another classic of the genre. Excellent writing.

Road Song: A Memoir, Natalie Kusz — To be honest, I can’t remember anything more specific than it’s beautifully written, but I tend to include books in my favorites more for the writing than for the the story, and so if it’s here, it’s worth a look.

My Fair Junkie: A Memoir of Getting Dirty and Staying Clean, Amy Dresner — grittier than most recovery stories. Amy’s a great writer, and a hero, really.

Kitchen Confidential, Anthony Bourdain — In the late ‘90’s, I used to eat at Les Halles in New York before I had any idea who Bourdain was, just because it was across the street from an office I used to work out of there.

Sexus, Henry Miller — More autofiction than memoir, and some of the best writing about sex—and the life of a writer, and a man—that will ever be put to the page.

Rogue River Journal: A Winter Alone, John Daniel — elegant, honest, and open.

Girlhood,

Melissa Febos

— I love Melissa’s writing. Everyone should read this tragic, beautiful, and true telling of her youth and life as a young woman. A window into womanhood that is revealing of all of us.

Coming Into the Country, John McPhee — Not really a memoir, but McPhee more than deserves a place on this list, and this is “the one in which McPhee is most a character,” as the Atlantic puts it.

Scar Tissue, Anthony Kiedis — another great rock ‘n’ memoir. Great to read in conjunction with Flea’s book.

Life, Keith Richards — perhaps you can survive doing coke and heroin most of your life, if you get the good stuff.

Recollections of My Nonexistence: A Memoir, Rebecca Solnit — I once was guilty of attempting to “mansplain”to Solnit herself, long before the term came to be. It took me a while to warm up to her writing but she is a treasure and this is a masterpiece.

Chickenhawk, Robert Mason — I’m not much for war stories, but this is riveting, and comes with a delicious surprise ending.

The Terrible: A Storyteller's Memoir, Yrsa Daley-Ward — modern, raw, intense

In Patagonia, Bruce Chatwin — perhaps the defining example of travel writing cum memoir, a book that I discovered in my teens and that seared “Patagonia” in my mind forever as the most beautiful place on earth.

I'm Your Huckleberry: A Memoir, Val Kilmer — Val tells is like it is, with sweetness, light and depth.

Siberian Education: Growing Up in a Criminal Underworld, Nicolai Lilin — Apparently there was a bit of a scandal around this book because the author initially claimed it as memoir and it turned out to be more like autofiction, but… so what. I came across my copy in my favorite English-language bookshop in Warsaw, and it contains many gems including “Don’t keep money in the house.”

I also have to mention The Zen Diaries of Garry Shandling, a brilliant documentary about comedian Garry Shandling that continues to inspire me. “Your material is purely a vehicle for you to express your spirit. … It doesn’t have ​any​ value beyond you expressing yourself in a very soulful, spiritual way. *It’s why you’re on the planet. … It is merely a vehicle to be Garry.” He got it.

Memoir on Substack

A few of my favorite memoirists and writers of personal essay and autofiction on Substack. Have you read any of these writers? Please comment below ⬇️

Michael Mohr's Sincere American Writing

Just Enough to Get Me in Trouble by

Lyle McKeany

The Recovering Academic by

Joshua Doležal

Get Real, Man by

Latham Turner

Of a Sober Mind by

Dee Rambeau

My own writing

Books about writing memoir

I’ve read a lot of craft books. These are the ones that I’ve found to be actually useful:

Method Writing: The First Four Concepts, Jack Grapes

The Art of Memoir, Mary Karr

The Memoir Project, Marion Roach Smith

On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft, Stephen King

Body Work: The Radical Power of Personal Narrative,

Melissa Febos

Draft No. 4: On the Writing Process, John McPhee

Other book lists

• My favorite books (not just memoir)

• This list of favorite memoirs

• Books that I recommend for men

• Books on psychology and philosophy

Stick around and chat

1. What are three of your favorite memoirs that aren’t on this list?

2. Which of these beautiful books had you never heard of?

3. Who is your favorite memoirist here on Substack?

4. What’s your favorite film based on a memoir?

5. What are you writing?

Please share, comment, restack, recommend, and click the little ♡ heart right there👇🏻 if you found this useful!